Hi, We are married couple for 10 years ,she knows that I drink and told her during our marriage time but she told me to stop it after marriage and I accepted but didn’t stopped it .issues started one year after marriage but I’m not able to stop drinking also I was addicted to betting and lost 60 lakhs in this 10 years and there were couple of agreements between us to not to drink and not to gamble but gambling some how I stopped and drinking I was not able to stop at least 3 days a week I’m drimking, Now I’m with 20 lakh debit and monthly salary of 1 lakhs . She has good savings and her salary is around 3 lakhs per month , Now she is saying that she wants divorce and filed a case in police station . She has evidence like my bank statements , cctv footage which was recorded with my drunken act and few screen shots where I messaged with other lady 5 years ago . Now she threatening me to give mutual divorce or else she will threatening me to file a case on me and parents as well,but even though I failed to stop drinking I’m asking her to give one more chance to change my self but she denied . I don’t want her money but I need her what to do ? She collected all eveidence like whats app chat,CCTV footage which is always used to monitor by her parents ,She also has my phone access , .now seems she filed a divorce case on me under the grounds of cruelt 13 1 1a , i never lived alone with her in this 10 year, initial stage for around one to years her own brother is there which he took care of her salary and cards, later his neighbour was with us from last 6 years to 7 , She give money to me but i returned at least 50 percent in that , may be i used her money 10 to 15 lakhs but she is saying i used around 40 to 50 lakhs and i never took money from her forcibly, Also there is lot of involvement in her finance by her parents and brother.She spent money to them , i dont have any proof ,if she opens her bank statement every thing will be there. She always provokes me while i drink and evrythimg will be recorded im cctv with my shoutings, i broken glass table twice (years ago) not recently, now a days im changing my self and changing my self step by step by improving my past mistakes.
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Contested divorce cases take over 5 years to be disposed of
2) burden of proof is upon wife to prove allegations made in divorce cases
3) you can also file appeal in HC in the event family court grants divorce
4) best option is to divorce by mutual consent
You can interact with her in the court mediation session where the counselor may intervene and advise her to some extent.
But if she is adamant and determined then you have no option than to challenge her divorce case as per law and let the court decide.
The way you wasted multiple opportunities to correct your course, i wonder your wife would wait anymore for you to change.
To err is human but to continue with it is habit.
Considering your position it is wise if you agree for mutual divorce.
Let me share more information on how my marriage happened ,She is elder than 2 days to me ,Initially I didn’t agreed for the marriage proposal but later with some of my relatives brain wash I agreed for the marriage, Problems started when other neighbours said that our family financial status is not good .First negativity started in my mother in laws mind. In the earlier days of marriage I got too low salary which is not enough and sufficient to maintain a family in hyderabad and in between I lost job for around 5 to 6 months , Later I got a job and my wife bought a new home on her name and I invested around 250000 by taking a loan in RBL bank . Every time my salary is not enough to bare all the family expenses , At that time also we both didn’t sit together and calculated about the budget , Every one spent their salary on their own wish,during these days even I didn’t have a chance to take care of father and mother as well , Suddenly I have an extra income and used to spent this extra income in a wrong way (Gambling ) . Again after this I have asked her neighbour to stay in our new home and I searched for engineering college and my wife paid the fees to him. In all cases I lost my thinking about future , Giving a chances is habit to them and I’m asking a chance for me was became a habit . In the last recent fight I shouted (Drunken) on her and on her big father ,That is the reason for that day , But they calculated all my past mistakes and they took a chance ,Finally I wish to take one more chance and i want to change and I will change …..I’m not expecting her money ,if they want I will sign it , All the question here is that all are thinking that I want her money ,, but this is not true ,I just need her not for money , There were so many misunderstandings and there were so many egos …..10 years of married life even child is not there in our life , She has some medical issues before marriage ,I didn’t questioned on that on any day in our 10 years of marriage life
Every human makes a mistakes but needs a change , told here this time I will handover my account and you take of my finance but during the first 6 months of handling she has to add 30000 to my salary but first she agreed and later she rejected it , she told that after clearing the debts that I will leave her ….A change needs support …I didn’t get that when I told her I will surrender all my accounts to her , but this didn’t work out , I never man handled her , Love is there on my wife but egos and clashes , Love is there on my wife but her parental influence is more on her ,helping her parents that’s ok I can’t stop and never asked to stop it but hiding that from me is not ok . I know every one will say go for mutual divorce and it is hard for me to digest . My wife very strong mentally I know the fact , she is physically weak but mentally very strong, She worked in an mnc company but now she reached for top position , is it possible if I didn’t support her , is it possible if I daily drink and torchered , did I not give any space to her to work. Can some one suggest me and correct me anything wrong in my words because I need to think of my life as well as her life
If wife files for divorce then you file petition for restitution of conjugal rights under section 9 of HMA
2) both petitions wound be clubbed together
If she files any false cases you need to contest it on merits
Consider Mutual Divorce: Given the history and strong evidence, mutual divorce may be the least contentious path, but only if you’re both in agreement.
Reconciliation Efforts: Attend court-led mediation sessions where a counselor can help facilitate dialogue. Request a chance to prove your commitment to change.
Legal Options if Refused: If she proceeds with divorce, you can file for Restitution of Conjugal Rights under Section 9 of the Hindu Marriage Act to show your intent to reconcile, although both cases may be processed together.
Defending Against Allegations: If false allegations arise, you’ll need to defend based on merits and provide counter-evidence.
the best option before you is either to challenge her divorce case properly or file a petition under section 9 of HMA for RCR , alternately you can do both.
There is no point in repenting now because you have lost their trust or confidence in you by repeating the same incidents that led to this drastic decision by her.
you can convince her during interaction session in the counselling that will be arranged by court in the divorce case process.
You should express all the facts and regain confidence and wait and watch for the developments.
If she is considerate, she may think about giving one last chance.
Dear Client,
In the Present Scenario, you have acknowledged that you have an addiction to drinking and despite your wife has requested, you are not able to stop drinking. This is a major factor for your breakdown of your relationship. According to the Indian laws, if one of the spouses has been addicted to alcohol, and the behaviour of such spouse is causing mental agony or mental cruelty, the same can be considered as a ground for divorce. With respect to losing 60 lakhs due to gambling, the same may be considered as cruelty, as such behaviour may be claimed to cause financial hardships and emotional distress to her. Further, the evidence with your wife, of WhatsApp chats with another woman, and CCTV footage showing your drunk behaviour, may be used to prove cruelty ad adultery. Therefore, it is suggested that, if a divorce case has been filed under grounds of cruelty, it would be difficult for you to avoid the legal consequences if the allegations are proven to be true, hence, mutual divorce may help in the proceedings being simpler and quicker. You may also go for a mediation with your wife.
Hope you find this answer beneficial for resolving the dispute.
Visit a family counsellor with wife to resolve your differences
Thank you for all your answers …Is it good to take divorce at this moment (at the age of 38 years for both) for all these issues , I shared all info here the main issue is I have love on my wife but i have not properly expressed my love towards her and didn’t pampered her (What her parents and what her brothers do) . My drunker acts in 10 years of my married life is not more than 20 incidents with her , I didn’t shouted on her directly , She provokes me while I drink or other wise I drink and sleep with out disturbing her .Also in the last incident she provokes me and looks at the CCTV cam , (what is her intention in that ) , She wanedly asked me to make a call to her big mother and big father ,I scolded her like was these mistakes done by me only and no one in your family is not done these mistakes … Because I don’t have money and I have no savings and there is no use of me any more ….. We have a couple of counselling at she teams hyderabad office , during our councelling she is laughing at me in a nice manner and after that she is looking at his father and brother . Now every one is doing brain wash he mind to divorce me , So in this case how can I convince her and how can I ask her for one more chance ,
Contest the divorce case on merits
contested divorce take over 5 years to be disposed
If she files divorce case and you do not want divorce, you can strongly contest the same and simultaneously file a case for RCR .
in the counselling session on court you can express your feelings and also give an undertaking to stop drinking if she would return to the matrimonial fold.
This may come to your rescue to some extent.
Express Your Feelings and Apology:
Demonstrate Commitment to Change:
Request Support, Not Separation:
Counseling Together:
Respect Her Decision:
Approach her calmly and with genuine sincerity. Real change takes time, and your actions will speak louder than words.
It depends on mutual things between the couple and can’t be resolved through legal advice
Dear Sir,
I am sorry to hear this family matter suffering you a lot, but I must tell you that every married life has miss-fights so if you want to save the marriage then you should make her convinced that you are working whole day and night for her and your family only and all these silly things be shorted out by mutual communications. Ego is the biggest problem in our life so both of you have to understand that you have to make your ego crushed at least for each other and the child. It's important to have an open and honest conversation with your wife along with your parents/ in laws regarding the situations and all possible consequences.
Notwithstanding above, harassment and any kind of manhandling is punishable offence, which may lend you into trouble and punitive action by the police/ court. it's important to communicate openly and honestly about the issues regarding what is and isn't acceptable behavior. And, if you choose to work on your relationship, make sure that your wife is willing to take responsibility for her actions. From the question, it is not clear that what source of earning and who steers the family boat, how much time have passed in the marriage and if any child you have from the marriage.
Yes, she can file case for domestic violence and dowry harassment under 498a. But defence would be available to you as her behaviour is egregious and you have not done any such harassment and physical assault or battery. Any statement given in police station or before police is not admissible in court of law but yes as it will create an event entry in your life which will be explained in court there the Hon'ble Judge may make some opinion on this but again it will not be taken as an evidence.
Further, she can also seek maintenance under DV act and under 144 BNSS (earlier 125 Cr PC). That, the legislations which have been framed on the issue of maintenance are the Special Marriage Act, 1954, Section 144 BNSS; and the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act, 2005 which provide a statutory remedy to women, irrespective of the religious community to which they belong, apart from the personal laws applicable. The Hindu Marriage Act, 1955 by invoking Sections 24 and 25:
Hindu Marriage Act, 1955 Sections 24 and 25 make provision for maintenance to a party who has no independent income sufficient for his or her support, and necessary expenses. This is a gender-neutral provision, where either the wife or the husband may claim maintenance. The prerequisite is that the applicant does not have independent income which is sufficient for her or his support, during the pendency of the lis.
Section 24 of the HMA provides for maintenance pendente lite, where the Court may direct the respondent to pay the expenses of the proceeding, and pay such reasonable monthly amount, which is considered to be reasonable, having regard to the income of both the parties. The proviso to Section 24 providing a timeline of 60 days for disposal of the application was inserted vide Act 49 of 2001 w.e.f. 24.09.2001.
Therefore, your wife and family has to recognize that all that, if anything that happened in past, has happened is a matter of past and if you are fully emotionally, physically, financially and in all other aspect, are honestly committed to your family and want to make good for them, your wife should support you rather than making your life miserable and hence, you should explain whatever problems persist and resolve mutually. Wouldn’t you want to know if your wife wants to continue in this marriage or not? What if you proceed for divorce? what about future of your children or family? You should seek answer to these questions to resolve the problem. Any emotional triggers from your past relationship/ life should not make the present spoiled. So that both of you as mature adults can priorities what’s important and either work together for the marriage or move on with your lives going separate.
Here, your wife may be worried about the financial independence, or she want some form of freedom in the married life? And in the present patriarchal society the fabrics of responsibilities are nets around the mother?. So, both of you have to communicate with yourself and each-other. Try a fresh with focus on the present and try to build a more transparent and communicative relationship in the present. Take this opportunity to work together and strengthen your marriage. Try to follow these commandment answers for a lifetime of happiness and harmony:
Domestic violence is not a solution and this may lend you to some legal trouble as it is totally prohibited in law let it be in any forms. Hence, you should not raise your hand on her at any point of time. If you feel that she is unbearable to you then you must approach family court against her. Hence, you are also free to approach court, but you should not make any kind of assault and battery on your wife or abduction of your own child at any point of time because its a myth that Police/ court would not be able to trace you. We all are human being and lives in society and society is governed by law made by peoples, hence, if any such individual would reside, it always figures out and take such person before the police/ court. Hence, for any unresolved issues, you should take legal remedies only.
And; if you want to get rid of her then, you should go for filing divorce on ground of cruelty. Wherein, you can show all her abusive behaviours. There you can get divorced. if you succeeded in proving that her behaviour is egregious then you will not be required to pay any money as maintenance (have to pay for the child only), else have to pay some alimony as settled in court. However, it is suggested that the divorce may be used as matter of last resort..
I hope this will guide you on your problems.
Thank you and best wishes for your future wellbeing, hope you resolve your problems at the earliest and come out of all the miseries/ painful life and live happily ever after.
Regards,
Note and Disclaimer:-
The opinion given here is generic in nature and offered without considering the case on merit and any material facts, hence, if you are proceeding with divorce, or any legal action against your wife/ in-laws, you should again consult a lawyer with all the material facts of the case, prior proceeding to the legal battle.
